I would like to share with you a sermon from Doug Hamilton, preacher at the Junction City Church of Christ, Junction City, KS.

David and Jonathan: A Lesson on Christian Friendship

By Doug Hamilton, Junction City Church of Christ, Junction City, KS
Doug Hamilton Video link

DH-

We are going to look at "Christian friendships." Because there are many "friendships" that do not meet the standard of a "Christian" friendship.

The relationship of David and Jonathan is an example of a Christian relationship and we will be using their relationship from the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, in an attempt to find the definition of a Christian relationship.

An Introduction to Jonathan, the son of Saul

1 Samuel 14:49,

Now the sons of Saul were Jonathan and Ishvi and Malchi-shua; and the names of his two daughters were these: the name of the firstborn Merab and the name of the younger Michal.

DH-

This is where we first see Jonathan mentioned, he plays an important role in the life of David. And I want you to see seven things we see in their lives.

Lesson

DH- First of all…​

  1. A Christian Friend Loves Your Soul.

    1 Samuel 17:57-18:1,

    So when David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul with the Philistine’s head in his hand. 58 Saul said to him, "Whose son are you, young man?" And David answered, "I am the son of your servant Jesse the Bethlehemite." 18:1 Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.

    There is actually a movement where the gay community have tried to take this as one of two primary examples of condoning their lifestyle [from the Bible]. They’re saying, well obviously, David and Jonathan were more than just friends.

    Well, that’s not what the text says there. One of two things is happening, those in the movement are either,

    • Trying to deceive, OR

    • They don’t have close friendships that are similar to this and they won’t recognize that.

    and

    SR-

    It reminds me of the passage where it says in,

    Romans 8:5-8 (NASB)

    …​[T]hose who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

    David and Jonathan had a love for each other which was soul deep. What it means is that a soul-deep love is the deepest type of love that another person can have for someone, for it is anchored with the perspective of forever. DH- when you look [beyond] the flesh, you look [beyond] the things that can be done with that friend and you look to share eternity together, you value their soul.

    Eternal consequences should be the basis for every relationship, much less friendships. We are told to "love your enemies." We love people for who they can become not for who they are. And every single human being is made in the likeness and image of God.

    1 Peter 1:22,23,

    Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, 23 for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.

    SR- what makes our love different? We have obediently purified our souls and have been born again of imperishable seed through the word of God.

    DH- You know we forget this concept, we just overlook it. It’s easy to fall into the mundane habits in Christianity. If we ever stop loving people, and particularly the children of God, with a soul deep love, we’ll never be anybody’s friend. Not even Jesus' friend. Because Jesus loved us while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

    Hebrews 13:17,

    Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

    DH- A lot of time people view Elders as just a position. Their number one job is to love the souls for who they are, nurturing [them] on their way to heaven.

    We have to love people with a soul deep love relationship

    David and Jonathan had a soul deep love. They loved their souls and they loved each other’s souls.

    But a Christian friend also…​

  2. A Christian Friend Loves You as Himself

    1 Samuel 18:3,4,

    Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt.

    Narcissistic tendency is when a person places themselves first and the relationship second.

    DH-

    The opposite of that IS Christianity, being able to put others ahead of yourself. It’s the royal law of liberty, love your neighbor as yourself.

    We live in this culture of selfishness, ME, MYSELF and I, get all you can get, dog eat dog, survival of the fittest.

    That’s not how a Christian friendship should be. It can be sacrificial. Notice what Jonathan did, these are all prized possessions that he has…​ prized possessions

    • His robe, his royal robe

    • His armor,

    • his sword, his bow

    • His belt

    These were important possessions back then.
    That’s how we’re expected to be loving in a Christian relationship. We should be very, very, loving.

    Galatians 5:13,14,

    For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."

  3. A Christian Friend Comes to Your Defense

    1 Samuel 19:1-7,

    Now Saul told Jonathan his son and all his servants to put David to death. But Jonathan, Saul’s son, greatly delighted in David. 2 So Jonathan told David saying, "Saul my father is seeking to put you to death. Now therefore, please be on guard in the morning, and stay in a secret place and hide yourself. 3 "I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak with my father about you; if I find out anything, then I will tell you." 4 Then Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, "Do not let the king sin against his servant David, since he has not sinned against you, and since his deeds have been very beneficial to you. 5 "For he took his life in his hand and struck the Philistine, and the LORD brought about a great deliverance for all Israel; you saw it and rejoiced. Why then will you sin against innocent blood by putting David to death without a cause?" 6 Saul listened to the voice of Jonathan, and Saul vowed, "As the LORD lives, he shall not be put to death." 7 Then Jonathan called David, and Jonathan told him all these words. And Jonathan brought David to Saul, and he was in his presence as formerly.

    King Saul was a jealous and spiteful ruler who felt threatened with (and jealous of) David. He tried to kill David, he plotted, he promised he wouldn’t but he still did it.

    A true Christian friend Jonathan was. Even though Jonathan was the son of Saul, that does not dismiss the fact that Saul is the king. And there were many kings who put to death their kids.

    When Jonathan interceded on David’s behalf, don’t think of it in today’s context, because Saul is extremely jealous and angry, he could have flown off the handle at Jonathan, but Jonathan was willing to take the risk for that. He came to the defense of his true friend David, because that is what friends do.

    We have to be always willing to intercede, to come to the defense, to have the back of our fellow Christians. A true Christian friend, that’s how they do it. That doesn’t mean you defend them when they’re wrong, but if someone needs defending then it’s up to their true Christian friend to do that.

    A true Christian friend is concerned about your well-being [and] that they will come to your defense.

  4. A true Christian Friend Warns You When There is DANGER! They don’t just tell you what you want to hear, they tell you what you need to hear.

    1 Samuel 20:35-42,

    Now it came about in the morning that Jonathan went out into the field for the appointment with David, and a little lad was with him. 36 He said to his lad, "Run, find now the arrows which I am about to shoot." As the lad was running, he shot an arrow past him. 37 When the lad reached the place of the arrow which Jonathan had shot, Jonathan called after the lad and said, "Is not the arrow beyond you?" 38 And Jonathan called after the lad, "Hurry, be quick, do not stay!" And Jonathan’s lad picked up the arrow and came to his master. 39 But the lad was not aware of anything; only Jonathan and David knew about the matter. 40 Then Jonathan gave his weapons to his lad and said to him, "Go, bring them to the city." 41 When the lad was gone, David rose from the south side and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. And they kissed each other and wept together, but David wept the more. 42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in safety, inasmuch as we have sworn to each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD will be between me and you, and between my descendants and your descendants forever.' " Then he rose and departed, while Jonathan went into the city.

    There was danger for David, Saul was on his tirade. It isn’t what Jonathan wanted to tell him. He was warning his friend. Jonathan felt obligated to inform his best friend that there was danger in store for him.

    If you have a true Christian friend who is in danger, you should feel obligated to say something to them like, "Listen, you’re in danger at this point," particularly when it is spiritual danger. You can’t be this cheerleader on the side saying, "Rah, rah, rah" and agree with everything. You have to be able to have a true Christian relationship, a friendship, where we can say to somebody, "hey, this isn’t good." And when it comes to potentially loosing our souls over a matter, we need to be particularly strong with that.

    A true Christian friend will say something when they see something. They will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

    1 Corinthians 10:12,13,

    Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

    This is really, really important because, there are a lot of times when we see something, that we don’t take the time to say something.

  5. A Christian Friend Will Encourage You Until the End

    1 Samuel 23:15-18,

    Now David became aware that Saul had come out to seek his life while David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. 16 And Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David at Horesh, and encouraged him in God. 17 Thus he said to him, "Do not be afraid, because the hand of Saul my father will not find you, and you will be king over Israel and I will be next to you; and Saul my father knows that also." 18 So the two of them made a covenant before the LORD; and David stayed at Horesh while Jonathan went to his house.

    This would be the last time these best friends would see each other, I don’t think that they really knew that, but it was. But times were very dire, for Jonathan would soon die in battle. Look at how Jonathan behaved during that time:

    • David is a man on the run and the wilderness of Ziph is still a rough territory today, basically a habitation of goats and wild animals. Saul wants him dead.

    • Jonathan risked, and notice what he says,

      • You’re going to be king, What an encouraging message at that point, because it’s easy to loose your vision when you’re under a lot of pressure, it’s very common, but Jonathan puts that vision back up there with encouragement.

    We are to be strong and courageous according to Joshua, we’re to have boldness. But that can easily be knocked off just by the trials of life and imposed persecutions.

    We should always try to encourage until the very end.

    You know we’re all getting older every single day. If you’re doing ok today, check back, in about 10 years, you probably won’t be doing quite as well. 10 more years, eventually it all catches up and grey is our way. There are a lot of steps we take along the way before we go out: poor health, maybe poor economic situation, maybe tragedy along the way, they just wither away…​

    But…​

    Proverbs 27:17

    As iron sharpens iron, so [does] one man sharpen another

    As the edge gets taken off and we’re not able to meander through the thickness of the crisis, brother or sister, a Christian friend can sharpen them back up and help us cross the finish line.

    A true Christian friend will always encourage you to the end.

    Paul who was about to be executed on one of the seven hills of Rome…​ He said in…​

    2 Timothy 4:6-11,

    For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8 in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.

    Now listen to what he says, vs 9:

    9 Make every effort to come to me soon; 10 for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. 11 Only Luke is with me. Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service.

    In that very last line, you will remember that Mark is the guy who baled out on Paul’s 1st missionary journey. When it comes time for the 2nd one, Paul says, no, no, he baled out on us the 1st time. You go with your cousin Barnabas, I’m taking Silas…​ I’m so glad the story didn’t end there, because somewhere along the line things were patched up to where [Paul] says of Mark, Timothy, Timothy was his protege, he says, grab Mark…​ why?…​ "for he is useful to me for service."

    This is at the end of a man’s life. And what makes it really interesting is that according to the writings of the Apostolic Fathers and others, shortly after this was written, two guards showed up, lifted Paul out of prison, walked him up to one of the seven hills of Rome to be beheaded. But along the entire path, Paul was encouraging these soldiers, to where it’s believed that one of these actually became a Christian later on.

    A Christian friend will encourage you until the end.

  6. A Christian Friend Will Be Missed

    2 Samuel 1:17-27,

    Then David chanted with this lament over Saul and Jonathan his son, 18 and he told them to teach the sons of Judah the song of the bow; behold, it is written in the book of Jashar. 19 "Your beauty, O Israel, is slain on your high places! How have the mighty fallen! 20 "Tell it not in Gath, Proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon, Or the daughters of the Philistines will rejoice, The daughters of the uncircumcised will exult. 21 "O mountains of Gilboa, Let not dew or rain be on you, nor fields of offerings; For there the shield of the mighty was defiled, The shield of Saul, not anointed with oil. 22 "From the blood of the slain, from the fat of the mighty, The bow of Jonathan did not turn back, And the sword of Saul did not return empty. 23 "Saul and Jonathan, beloved and pleasant in their life, And in their death they were not parted; They were swifter than eagles, They were stronger than lions. 24 "O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, Who clothed you luxuriously in scarlet, Who put ornaments of gold on your apparel. 25 "How have the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan is slain on your high places. 26 "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women. 27 "How have the mighty fallen, And the weapons of war perished!"

    DH- I’ll paraphrase this…​
    Jonathan and Saul were killed in battle
    David finds out
    Here’s what was sad, David writes, vs23 "Saul and Jonathan, beloved and pleasant in their life, And in their death they were not parted;…​"

    This is David’s lament over Saul & Jonathan

    vs 24, "O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, Who clothed you luxuriously in scarlet, Who put ornaments of gold on your apparel. 25 "How have the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan is slain on your high places. 26 "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women. 27 "How have the mighty fallen, And the weapons of war perished!"

    This was one of the greatest losses which David suffered in his life. The death of Jonathan nearly crippled him with grief. When you have a true friend…​

    • Who loves your soul

    • Who loves you as himself

    • Who comes to your defense

    • Who warns you when there’s danger

    • Who will encourage you until the end

    You’re going to miss them when they leave your life, you’re going to miss them.When a true friend leaves this life it always hurts greatly.

    You know there was a lady named Tabitha, her real name was Dorcas, Acts 9:36-39. She was a woman who had a ministry of making garments for the widows. And notice how they react to her dying: vs 39 …​When [Peter] arrived, they brought him into the upper room; and all the widows stood beside him, weeping and showing all the tunics and garments that Dorcas used to make while she was with them.

    She was a true friend to these women, the forgotten ones of society. And she ministered to them.

    If you have a true Christian friendship, some day that friendship, even though, like a piece of a puzzle, you can tell what was there, it’s gonna hurt, that’s ok. Celebrate today while you have that person in your life.

    Heres the biggie

  7. A Christian Friend is Willing to Lay Down His Life for You.

    1 Samuel 20:12-17,

    Then Jonathan said to David, "The LORD, the God of Israel, be witness! When I have sounded out my father about this time tomorrow, or the third day, behold, if there is good feeling toward David, shall I not then send to you and make it known to you? 13 "If it please my father to do you harm, may the LORD do so to Jonathan and more also, if I do not make it known to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. And may the LORD be with you as He has been with my father.

    And notice what he says…​ vs 14,

    14 "If I am still alive, will you not show me the lovingkindness of the LORD, that I may not die? 15 "You shall not cut off your lovingkindness from my house forever, not even when the LORD cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth." 16 So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD require it at the hands of David’s enemies." 17 Jonathan made David vow again because of his love for him, because he loved him as he loved his own life.

    Jonathan was interceding for David to his father the king to the point that it could easily have cost him his life. And as crazy as Saul was acting, it could very easily have gone that way.

    There are four types of LOVE in the New Testament. The highest love, AGAPE, is a "Lay-Down-Your-Life" love for another. When someone is willing to sacrifice their life for your life, then that love has reached a pinnacle.

    Jesus says in,

    John 15:13,

    "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

    John 10:11-15,

    "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. 12 "He who is a hired hand, and not a shepherd, who is not the owner of the sheep, sees the wolf coming, and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 "He flees because he is a hired hand and is not concerned about the sheep. 14 "I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me, 15 even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep.

    He said earlier, I am the door for the sheep, if one enters by Him he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. vs9. There’s only one way in.

    If you could choose just one quality of a friend in a friendship, this is the one.

    1 John 3:11-16

    For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 12 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

    We need to have a lay-down-your-life-love for the brethren.

Application

  • We could learn much on nurturing our Christian friendships through the example of David and Jonathan.

  • Let us seek to deepen our relationships in the church by following [their] example.

They will know we are Christians by our love.